Let’s have a frank conversation.

I’ve come a long way since Dr. F. screamed “It’s alive!” and ushered me into the world. For instance, as you might notice, I now have a much better command of the English language. But one of the first things I learned to say as a composite human (I prefer this term to “monster”) still holds true: Fire bad. Very bad. And the more life experience I gained, I found out a lot of other things were bad, too. Tornado bad. Tree down on roof bad. Lawsuit bad. Which is why, after I graduated from business school and bought my first house, I immediately visited my insurance agent, got Frankenmuth Insurance and bought a comprehensive homeowners policy.

The first thing that drew me to the company, I must admit, was that we shared a first name. But further research showed me that Frankenmuth Insurance was an excellent choice. They take the time to understand your needs, and they have a 95% customer satisfaction rating for claims. If we’re being frank – and I always am – you’d have to have a bolt loose to choose anyone else.

As for my personal life, my first marriage didn’t last long. Everyone said my bride and I were made for each other (literally), but once the drama was over, and people were no longer chasing us with torches and pitchforks, we realized we had nothing in common. And that hair! Anyway, I met a nice girl in college (with all her original parts) and we’ve been together for 20 years now. I took out a generous life insurance policy to protect her. I wasn’t sure if I could qualify, since my medical history is… well, complicated, but Frankenmuth Insurance worked with me and got me the coverage I needed.

Now, life is good. Years ago, my appearance used to really spook people, but these days they just roll with it. After all, you can turn on any reality show and see people who’ve had more work done than I have.

Frankenmuth Insurance has supported me from the start, even when no one else would. They’ve always treated me like a real human being. To put it simply: Fire bad. Frankenmuth Insurance good.